Say It And Mean It

Little Thing #3 is Say It And Mean It

Regardless of your child's age, whether a two year old or a teenager, you must be a man or woman of your word. This is critical in all matters related to children because they have an uncanny sense of fairness and very good memories. When you make a promise to a child, you'd better be prepared to keep it or you will lose all credibility and control over any future situation.

For example, if you have a very small child, you may say something like, "If you are a good boy at the dentist, I will take you to the mall to pick out a toy." Well then, if he is a good boy at the dentist, the next stop, without question, should be the mall.

Similarly, if you have a teenager, you may say something like, "Your assignments in English class must be completed before you can go out on Friday night." Well then, if the assignments are not completed, your teenager must stay home.

Those are the kinds of "promises" I am talking about. Those everyday, "little" promises that grow into big ones. "If you make straight A's, then I will take you to Disney World......" When you make an "if, then" statement to a child, you must be prepared to make it happen.

"If, then" is also an important part of discipline. "If you continue yelling, then you will go to time-out. " Well, if the yelling continues, the child should immediately be placed in time-out. No negotiating, no begging, no statements such as, "Please Mommy, I promise I won't do it again!"

If you give in to statements such as these, you will find yourself giving in to the same statements when your child is a teenager. "Please Mom, I promise I won't break curfew again."

Say it and mean it. Kids need to know they can depend on you for both the good promises and the promises that don't feel so good when those promises involve restrictions or discipline. Children of all ages need to be able to predict consequences. Children need to know that what you say today and tomorrow is the same as what you said yesterday and the day before that. I know it sounds boring. It is not. It gives children a feeling of security.

It is called, "dependability"....it is called "predictability"....it is called "good parenting" and "good teaching".

And remember: children are children and, regardless of their size, they all basically need the same things.