When I was an aspiring school administrator, I was often given the job of screening students for the gifted program. The screening instrument we used was the Slosson Intelligence Test. On that test, was the following question: "Where does bacon come from?". Invariably, approximately 70% of students answered that bacon came from the grocery store. That was more than thirty years ago. As we have moved farther and farther away from the origins of our food, children will not know where our food comes from unless they are taught. They didn't know it then; more of them will not know it now.
No, it is not necessary to convene a class on the origins of food. However, when you take your child to the grocery store, you can have those casual conversations that are considered "teachable moments". You will need to talk about eggs and that eggs come from chickens. You will need to talk about milk and that milk comes from cows and goats (and soy and almonds but that's for later).
You need to talk about the fact that orange juice comes from oranges, not from cartons. Buy some oranges and let your child help you squeeze them. If you don't have an orange squeezer, go to a thrift or antique store and buy an old one. You'll have a great time. You need to talk about which fruits grow on trees and which grow on bushes. If you aren't sure, do your research. You are your child's first teacher. Don't forget that.
Don't be squeamish about the meat part. You can mention that we get hamburger from cows and bacon from pigs. You can get more sophisticated as your child grows older. I will write more about this topic in the near future because it is critically important. Have you noticed how many topics are critically important for you as a parent? We have only just begun the journey.
Monday, February 28, 2011
No Means No!
"No" does not mean "Yes" and "No" does not mean "Maybe". "No" means "No".
Whether you are interacting with a very young child, a pre-teen, or a teenager, "No" should unequivocally mean "No". Just as your children and students should be able to depend upon you to keep your word, they should be able to depend on the fact that when you say "No", you are not going to change your mind. When you vacillate and bow to the pressures that children masterfully apply, you become like a flag that changes direction every time the wind blows. Haven't you known individuals that would eventually change their minds if you asked enough times? Don't be that person. And don't say it if you can't deliver.
One of the great stalling techniques for parents and teachers is, "I'll think about it." I used to hate it when my mother would say that because I knew right away that I was not going to be able to manipulate her. My mother was the perfect example of "No means no". Once she made a decision, that was it. She would not bow to pressure and she would not argue with me. Period, the end.
I have found that applying my mother's principle, while difficult to do at first, became easier the more I did it. I learned to say very early on with both my children and my students, "No, and don't ask me again", AND "I don't argue with children." The equally important part of this equation is that once you say it, you must stick to it.
I have found "Let me think about it" to be an excellent discipline technique for older children....especially when they are asking permission to do something you are not sure about. Sometimes you need time to think and weigh the risks before you give permission; sometimes, you just need time to think about the ramifications of your decision. But remember, don't promise something you cannot follow-through on. "What would that be, you ask?" Well, for example, it would not be a good idea to threaten to "ground" your teenager for the rest of his or her life. You can't make that happen and you will just look foolish in the long run. Plus it will be meaningless for your child. Instead, you might say, "I need some time to think because I can't make a fair decision when I am this angry." Then take your time and come up with something reasonable that you are able to enforce.
With very young children, they soon learn that if they pester you enough, you may change your mind just to quiet them down. That is why you must begin early to stick to what you say. Small children become larger children and the requests they make become more costly and complicated. Therefore, when you are the grocery store and you say no and your child pitches a fit, you should leave your cart right there and take your child to the car. This accomplishes several things. First, it removes the audience for which the child is performing (this is also very important in a classroom); secondly, it lets your child know that you mean what you say; and thirdly, it lets your child know that you are the person in charge, not them. Yes, this is difficult. But you probably won't have to do it more than once. And whether is makes sense or not, your ability to stand firm with your word will make your child, regardless of their age, feel more secure in an environment that is predictable.
Whether you are interacting with a very young child, a pre-teen, or a teenager, "No" should unequivocally mean "No". Just as your children and students should be able to depend upon you to keep your word, they should be able to depend on the fact that when you say "No", you are not going to change your mind. When you vacillate and bow to the pressures that children masterfully apply, you become like a flag that changes direction every time the wind blows. Haven't you known individuals that would eventually change their minds if you asked enough times? Don't be that person. And don't say it if you can't deliver.
One of the great stalling techniques for parents and teachers is, "I'll think about it." I used to hate it when my mother would say that because I knew right away that I was not going to be able to manipulate her. My mother was the perfect example of "No means no". Once she made a decision, that was it. She would not bow to pressure and she would not argue with me. Period, the end.
I have found that applying my mother's principle, while difficult to do at first, became easier the more I did it. I learned to say very early on with both my children and my students, "No, and don't ask me again", AND "I don't argue with children." The equally important part of this equation is that once you say it, you must stick to it.
I have found "Let me think about it" to be an excellent discipline technique for older children....especially when they are asking permission to do something you are not sure about. Sometimes you need time to think and weigh the risks before you give permission; sometimes, you just need time to think about the ramifications of your decision. But remember, don't promise something you cannot follow-through on. "What would that be, you ask?" Well, for example, it would not be a good idea to threaten to "ground" your teenager for the rest of his or her life. You can't make that happen and you will just look foolish in the long run. Plus it will be meaningless for your child. Instead, you might say, "I need some time to think because I can't make a fair decision when I am this angry." Then take your time and come up with something reasonable that you are able to enforce.
With very young children, they soon learn that if they pester you enough, you may change your mind just to quiet them down. That is why you must begin early to stick to what you say. Small children become larger children and the requests they make become more costly and complicated. Therefore, when you are the grocery store and you say no and your child pitches a fit, you should leave your cart right there and take your child to the car. This accomplishes several things. First, it removes the audience for which the child is performing (this is also very important in a classroom); secondly, it lets your child know that you mean what you say; and thirdly, it lets your child know that you are the person in charge, not them. Yes, this is difficult. But you probably won't have to do it more than once. And whether is makes sense or not, your ability to stand firm with your word will make your child, regardless of their age, feel more secure in an environment that is predictable.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Sunday Book Club for Parents: Reviving Ophelia
Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls is not a new book. In fact, it could be considered vintage by some standards because it is almost twenty years old. However, the message is current, important, and timely.Written by Dr. Mary Pipher, this book is an eye-opening look at the everyday dangers of being young and female, and how adults can help. This is the groundbreaking work that poses one of the most provocative questions of a generation: Why are American adolescent girls falling prey to depression, eating disorders, suicide attempts, and dangerously low self-esteem?
In Reviving Ophelia, these girls' uncensored voices are heard from the front lines of adolescence.It is a vibrant and insightful account, one we must respond to if we care about our daughters, our granddaughters, our nieces, and our students.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Saturday's Book Club For The Kids
Llama, Llama Red Pajama by Anna Dewdney will become your child's favorite story in a very short while. It is a story about a little llama who wants his mama at bedtime. Sound familiar? Not only does this wonderful story have the repetitive language that is so important for a young child, it also contains new words such as llama, groan, and fret, that will expand your child's vocabulary.I recommend this book for parents and teachers of young children up to the age of six. It is fun, has great rhymes, is wonderfully predictable, and is the perfect length for bedtime at home or story time in the classroom.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
An Unusual Recipe
This blog post is being written by guest blogger, Janet W. Bartlett, elementary teacher for thirty years.
As a retired teacher, I have accumulated lots of recipes for homemade Play Doh, papier mache, glue, paint, etc. They are all good, tried and true, but this recipe is a little different. It is in fact, the best recipe I have ever tried and I have used it for years. It is not too complex but it will reward you and your child with hours of creative fun, exploration, learning, soothing, concentration, and imagination.
For many years, I had a sand table in my primary classroom. Don't stop reading! Over the years, I was surprised many times by the change in students when they had their turn at the sand table. The most amazing was the soothing effect it had on those with learning and behavior difficulties. It was a priceless tool. It can be so for you.
Having such a sand table does require some structure, but structure is a good thing. You will need to set some rules for sand play such as no throwing or dumping out of the box, the sand needs to be manipulated deliberately and carefully to avoid a mess. If the rules are "forgotten", then the sand table is off limits for a time. Accidents will happen but stick to your rules.
You will need sand, of course, lots of spoons, tin cups, different size plastic containers, an old strainer (Kids LOVE to pour sand through a strainer!), old pie tins, and at least one funnel. It's also fun to make "combs" by sawing teeth into some thin wood. These make interesting rakes for making patterns in the sand.
There are several ways to get a sand table. You could get lucky and find one at Sam's Club as I did for my house. Or a container like a horse trough set up on a bench would work also. Or you can make your own as I did for my classroom. All you need is an old table. Cut some 1 x 6 boards to make the sides of your "box" and secure them to the table top with L brackets and screws. Line the box with plastic such as Visqueen from Home Depot or with a plastic tablecloth. Drape it up and over the sides. To hold it in place, nail some strips of thin wood like screen molding through the plastic and into the top edges of the box. Trim off the excess plastic and put in the sand. Half full is plenty. A bag of play sand from the big box store should do it.
There are lots of sand boxes out there. But a sand table is a different thing. It is much more comfortable for your child. It gives the child a sense of control and a feeling that they are "working". It is much neater and meets the needs of children who do not like to get dirty. A screen porch would be a great place for this if there is no cat access. It could be indoors but you need a good vacuum cleaner.
Now let's get to the real reasons for having a sand table aside from fun. Eye-hand coordination; kinesthetic reinforcement, especially for a child with disabilities; handwriting practice; especially good for children whose strongest mode of learning is tactile. And lastly, it is soothing, amazingly so for the stressed-out, acting-out kid who is hyperactive and has difficulty focusing. Pouring from one container to another, measuring, sifting, drawing, and just running hands through this material are all learning activities. You will be amazed at how long your child will remain engaged with the sand table. For additional fun, dampen the sand. This is great for making "mud" pies and cakes for pretend tea time. The possibilities are endless.
For anyone with a child, I believe there are two essential playthings. One is sand; the other is blocks. But that's another blog post.
As a retired teacher, I have accumulated lots of recipes for homemade Play Doh, papier mache, glue, paint, etc. They are all good, tried and true, but this recipe is a little different. It is in fact, the best recipe I have ever tried and I have used it for years. It is not too complex but it will reward you and your child with hours of creative fun, exploration, learning, soothing, concentration, and imagination.
For many years, I had a sand table in my primary classroom. Don't stop reading! Over the years, I was surprised many times by the change in students when they had their turn at the sand table. The most amazing was the soothing effect it had on those with learning and behavior difficulties. It was a priceless tool. It can be so for you.
Having such a sand table does require some structure, but structure is a good thing. You will need to set some rules for sand play such as no throwing or dumping out of the box, the sand needs to be manipulated deliberately and carefully to avoid a mess. If the rules are "forgotten", then the sand table is off limits for a time. Accidents will happen but stick to your rules.
You will need sand, of course, lots of spoons, tin cups, different size plastic containers, an old strainer (Kids LOVE to pour sand through a strainer!), old pie tins, and at least one funnel. It's also fun to make "combs" by sawing teeth into some thin wood. These make interesting rakes for making patterns in the sand.
There are several ways to get a sand table. You could get lucky and find one at Sam's Club as I did for my house. Or a container like a horse trough set up on a bench would work also. Or you can make your own as I did for my classroom. All you need is an old table. Cut some 1 x 6 boards to make the sides of your "box" and secure them to the table top with L brackets and screws. Line the box with plastic such as Visqueen from Home Depot or with a plastic tablecloth. Drape it up and over the sides. To hold it in place, nail some strips of thin wood like screen molding through the plastic and into the top edges of the box. Trim off the excess plastic and put in the sand. Half full is plenty. A bag of play sand from the big box store should do it.
There are lots of sand boxes out there. But a sand table is a different thing. It is much more comfortable for your child. It gives the child a sense of control and a feeling that they are "working". It is much neater and meets the needs of children who do not like to get dirty. A screen porch would be a great place for this if there is no cat access. It could be indoors but you need a good vacuum cleaner.
Now let's get to the real reasons for having a sand table aside from fun. Eye-hand coordination; kinesthetic reinforcement, especially for a child with disabilities; handwriting practice; especially good for children whose strongest mode of learning is tactile. And lastly, it is soothing, amazingly so for the stressed-out, acting-out kid who is hyperactive and has difficulty focusing. Pouring from one container to another, measuring, sifting, drawing, and just running hands through this material are all learning activities. You will be amazed at how long your child will remain engaged with the sand table. For additional fun, dampen the sand. This is great for making "mud" pies and cakes for pretend tea time. The possibilities are endless.
For anyone with a child, I believe there are two essential playthings. One is sand; the other is blocks. But that's another blog post.
Hail To The Chore Chart
Because I have always been a strong believer that all who live in the house have a responsibility for the upkeep of the house, Saturday was Chore Day at our house, for me as well as for my three daughters. The rule was that chores had to be done before anybody played. The tricky part for me was in how to get my daughters to do their chores without a lot of grumbling. Realizing from my classroom experience that children love choices, I implemented the Saturday Morning Chore Chart. I don't know where this brilliant idea came from but it was my salvation for those Saturday chores. Since this method is driven by a little competition between siblings, it is best utilized if you have more than one child.
This is the plan:
1. On Friday night, you (the parent) decide what chores need to be done. Make a list of chores and post the list on the refrigerator.
2. Decide how many chores each child should do. Write this number at the very top of the page. All children should have an equal number of chores but you can balance them out if some chores take a lot longer than others. For example, doing laundry can count as two or three chores, depending upon the quantity to be done. And yes, the children can do the laundry. At our house, you did laundry once you had your eleventh birthday.
3. When each child wakes up on Saturday morning, he or she signs up for the chores for the day. That means that if you are an early riser, you get the best chores, you get them done, and you get to play for the remainder of the day. If you like to sleep in, you must do the chores that no one else wants to do. If you procrastinate, your playtime is postponed and you must still do the chores that no one else wants to do.
I found that this method eliminated one of the biggest hassles of chore assignment.... "How come she gets to do THAT chore and I don't?" Now, don't get me wrong. There was some complaining at first, especially when my youngest daughter was up before everyone else, had her chores done (the "best" chores), and was out the door ready to play. On a few occasions, I had to remind everyone that they all had a choice in their time of arising and they all had a choice of chores. If they wanted the best chores, they had to get up early.
This did not change sleeping patterns but that was not the intent.
My daughter, Sleeping Beauty #1, chose to sleep until around eleven and took her chances on the chores.
My daughter, Sleeping Beauty #2, chose to sleep until three in the afternoon regardless of the chores left on the chart when she got up. And so, she always had the chores that nobody else wanted to do. But sleep was the most important thing to her, not chore choice.
If this is going to work for you, you should begin this system when your children are young so that it becomes a part of the family routine. And emphasize that there is choice in this system. Say It and Mean It. It will work for you and for your family.
This is the plan:
1. On Friday night, you (the parent) decide what chores need to be done. Make a list of chores and post the list on the refrigerator.
2. Decide how many chores each child should do. Write this number at the very top of the page. All children should have an equal number of chores but you can balance them out if some chores take a lot longer than others. For example, doing laundry can count as two or three chores, depending upon the quantity to be done. And yes, the children can do the laundry. At our house, you did laundry once you had your eleventh birthday.
3. When each child wakes up on Saturday morning, he or she signs up for the chores for the day. That means that if you are an early riser, you get the best chores, you get them done, and you get to play for the remainder of the day. If you like to sleep in, you must do the chores that no one else wants to do. If you procrastinate, your playtime is postponed and you must still do the chores that no one else wants to do.
I found that this method eliminated one of the biggest hassles of chore assignment.... "How come she gets to do THAT chore and I don't?" Now, don't get me wrong. There was some complaining at first, especially when my youngest daughter was up before everyone else, had her chores done (the "best" chores), and was out the door ready to play. On a few occasions, I had to remind everyone that they all had a choice in their time of arising and they all had a choice of chores. If they wanted the best chores, they had to get up early.
This did not change sleeping patterns but that was not the intent.
My daughter, Sleeping Beauty #1, chose to sleep until around eleven and took her chances on the chores.
My daughter, Sleeping Beauty #2, chose to sleep until three in the afternoon regardless of the chores left on the chart when she got up. And so, she always had the chores that nobody else wanted to do. But sleep was the most important thing to her, not chore choice.
If this is going to work for you, you should begin this system when your children are young so that it becomes a part of the family routine. And emphasize that there is choice in this system. Say It and Mean It. It will work for you and for your family.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
The Dress Up Box
A young child's imagination knows no bounds and one of the best ways to encourage make-believe play is through a Dress Up Box. In the classroom, I have used a box covered in brightly covered paper; for my oldest granddaughter, I used an old leather suitcase that I would cart around in my motor home each time I visited her. It's important to note that you should stock your Dress Up Box with adult-sized clothing items. When you are a pre-schooler, it's not that much fun to wear something that fits
Keep a large variety of dress-up items in your box because you never know what will strike a child's fancy. I found some of my best items at local thrift stores but my granddaughter's favorite item was a pair of silver high-heeled sandals that belonged to my mother. For little girls, you should have at last two dresses (yes, they will drag on the floor, that's perfect), a couple of pair of sparkly shoes (high heels, if possible), a crown of some kind, a hat, some old jewelry (long necklaces preferred), an adult purse, and a long piece of silky fabric. I don't know what it is about silky fabric but most children will either use it as a wrap or spread it on the floor to "set the stage" for dress up.
Little boys can get just as excited about dressing up as little girls. For their dress-up box, I would definitely have a pair of men's dress shoes, a hat, one or two ties, an old wallet, and some type of jacket. And don't forget the silky fabric. Little boys like to spread fabric on the floor also.
Pretending and playing "make believe" are not just cute things that children do. Pretending and playing "make believe" are benchmarks for one of the developmental stages that children must go through for proper social and emotional growth. Some children reach the "make believe" stage sooner than others but all of them must go through it. The dress-up box can be an important prop in getting your child excited about this type of play.
Keep a large variety of dress-up items in your box because you never know what will strike a child's fancy. I found some of my best items at local thrift stores but my granddaughter's favorite item was a pair of silver high-heeled sandals that belonged to my mother. For little girls, you should have at last two dresses (yes, they will drag on the floor, that's perfect), a couple of pair of sparkly shoes (high heels, if possible), a crown of some kind, a hat, some old jewelry (long necklaces preferred), an adult purse, and a long piece of silky fabric. I don't know what it is about silky fabric but most children will either use it as a wrap or spread it on the floor to "set the stage" for dress up.
Little boys can get just as excited about dressing up as little girls. For their dress-up box, I would definitely have a pair of men's dress shoes, a hat, one or two ties, an old wallet, and some type of jacket. And don't forget the silky fabric. Little boys like to spread fabric on the floor also.
Pretending and playing "make believe" are not just cute things that children do. Pretending and playing "make believe" are benchmarks for one of the developmental stages that children must go through for proper social and emotional growth. Some children reach the "make believe" stage sooner than others but all of them must go through it. The dress-up box can be an important prop in getting your child excited about this type of play.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Say It And Mean It
Little Thing #3 is Say It And Mean It
Regardless of your child's age, whether a two year old or a teenager, you must be a man or woman of your word. This is critical in all matters related to children because they have an uncanny sense of fairness and very good memories. When you make a promise to a child, you'd better be prepared to keep it or you will lose all credibility and control over any future situation.
For example, if you have a very small child, you may say something like, "If you are a good boy at the dentist, I will take you to the mall to pick out a toy." Well then, if he is a good boy at the dentist, the next stop, without question, should be the mall.
Similarly, if you have a teenager, you may say something like, "Your assignments in English class must be completed before you can go out on Friday night." Well then, if the assignments are not completed, your teenager must stay home.
Those are the kinds of "promises" I am talking about. Those everyday, "little" promises that grow into big ones. "If you make straight A's, then I will take you to Disney World......" When you make an "if, then" statement to a child, you must be prepared to make it happen.
"If, then" is also an important part of discipline. "If you continue yelling, then you will go to time-out. " Well, if the yelling continues, the child should immediately be placed in time-out. No negotiating, no begging, no statements such as, "Please Mommy, I promise I won't do it again!"
If you give in to statements such as these, you will find yourself giving in to the same statements when your child is a teenager. "Please Mom, I promise I won't break curfew again."
Say it and mean it. Kids need to know they can depend on you for both the good promises and the promises that don't feel so good when those promises involve restrictions or discipline. Children of all ages need to be able to predict consequences. Children need to know that what you say today and tomorrow is the same as what you said yesterday and the day before that. I know it sounds boring. It is not. It gives children a feeling of security.
It is called, "dependability"....it is called "predictability"....it is called "good parenting" and "good teaching".
And remember: children are children and, regardless of their size, they all basically need the same things.
Regardless of your child's age, whether a two year old or a teenager, you must be a man or woman of your word. This is critical in all matters related to children because they have an uncanny sense of fairness and very good memories. When you make a promise to a child, you'd better be prepared to keep it or you will lose all credibility and control over any future situation.
For example, if you have a very small child, you may say something like, "If you are a good boy at the dentist, I will take you to the mall to pick out a toy." Well then, if he is a good boy at the dentist, the next stop, without question, should be the mall.
Similarly, if you have a teenager, you may say something like, "Your assignments in English class must be completed before you can go out on Friday night." Well then, if the assignments are not completed, your teenager must stay home.
Those are the kinds of "promises" I am talking about. Those everyday, "little" promises that grow into big ones. "If you make straight A's, then I will take you to Disney World......" When you make an "if, then" statement to a child, you must be prepared to make it happen.
"If, then" is also an important part of discipline. "If you continue yelling, then you will go to time-out. " Well, if the yelling continues, the child should immediately be placed in time-out. No negotiating, no begging, no statements such as, "Please Mommy, I promise I won't do it again!"
If you give in to statements such as these, you will find yourself giving in to the same statements when your child is a teenager. "Please Mom, I promise I won't break curfew again."
Say it and mean it. Kids need to know they can depend on you for both the good promises and the promises that don't feel so good when those promises involve restrictions or discipline. Children of all ages need to be able to predict consequences. Children need to know that what you say today and tomorrow is the same as what you said yesterday and the day before that. I know it sounds boring. It is not. It gives children a feeling of security.
It is called, "dependability"....it is called "predictability"....it is called "good parenting" and "good teaching".
And remember: children are children and, regardless of their size, they all basically need the same things.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Set Those Boundaries!
Little Thing #2 is "Set Those Boundaries". When my grandson was two years old and became angry with me, he raised his little fist and said, "I hit Grammi!". My automatic reaction was to take hold of his arm, look him straight into the eye, and say, "You will NEVER hit your Grammi. Do you understand?". That was my boundary and he, at two years old, understood perfectly because the next thing he said was, "I sorry Grammi, I sorry".
I consider boundary-setting or setting limits the most loving thing you can do for a child whether you are a parent, a teacher, or both. Children need to know what the rules are and what the consequences are for breaking those rules. Setting limits does not make you a mean parent or a mean teacher. It makes you an individual who cares enough about a child to protect that child with rules. Much of the out of control behavior of children is because those children do not know where or when to stop. No one has said, "Enough!", and meant it.
Now, setting boundaries is not easy. At first, it will seem that you are saying "no" all the time and with very young children, you are. But as the child grows to know your limits, and as you continue to maintain your own boundaries, your child will begin to understand that you mean what you say and that you will not change your mind. You, on the other hand, will find it easier to set limits once it becomes a part of your own routine. The more you do it, the easier it will get.
Some children will accept your boundaries and not challenge you very much. With other children who have stronger personalities, it will take greater resolve and energy on your part to hold the line and not just cave in. Sometimes, it will be exhausting. That is normal. The more you maintain your boundaries and set your limits, the more your child will understand that neither you or your rules will change. The pay-off for you and for your child is this: as your child gets older and life's situations become more risky, you will have established what you will and will not accept. Does this mean your child will not test you again and again? No.... that is what children do.
But children should not be allowed to negotiate the rules. You are the adult, you should set the limits. Rules are for the safety and well-being of your child. Your child needs for you to assume this role. It is your responsibility as a parent.
And remember: children are children and, regardless of their size, they all basically need the same things.
I consider boundary-setting or setting limits the most loving thing you can do for a child whether you are a parent, a teacher, or both. Children need to know what the rules are and what the consequences are for breaking those rules. Setting limits does not make you a mean parent or a mean teacher. It makes you an individual who cares enough about a child to protect that child with rules. Much of the out of control behavior of children is because those children do not know where or when to stop. No one has said, "Enough!", and meant it.
Now, setting boundaries is not easy. At first, it will seem that you are saying "no" all the time and with very young children, you are. But as the child grows to know your limits, and as you continue to maintain your own boundaries, your child will begin to understand that you mean what you say and that you will not change your mind. You, on the other hand, will find it easier to set limits once it becomes a part of your own routine. The more you do it, the easier it will get.
Some children will accept your boundaries and not challenge you very much. With other children who have stronger personalities, it will take greater resolve and energy on your part to hold the line and not just cave in. Sometimes, it will be exhausting. That is normal. The more you maintain your boundaries and set your limits, the more your child will understand that neither you or your rules will change. The pay-off for you and for your child is this: as your child gets older and life's situations become more risky, you will have established what you will and will not accept. Does this mean your child will not test you again and again? No.... that is what children do.
But children should not be allowed to negotiate the rules. You are the adult, you should set the limits. Rules are for the safety and well-being of your child. Your child needs for you to assume this role. It is your responsibility as a parent.
And remember: children are children and, regardless of their size, they all basically need the same things.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Sunday's Book Club For Mom and Dad
"The single most important activity for building the knowledge required for eventual success is reading aloud to children." That quotation is from Becoming a Nation of Readers, a national report by the Commission on Reading. However, even knowing its importance, many parents, grandparents, teachers, principals, and other educators need guidance as to the "why," "how," and "what" of reading aloud to a child.
The book I am recommending for the first of which will be many Sunday Book Clubs for Moms and Dads, is The Read-Aloud Handbook by Jim Trelease. This book, in its sixth printing, not only teaches the "why", "how", and "what", of reading aloud to a child, it also contains lists of appropriate children's books for each phase of your child's life. As a parent, I found this book invaluable; as a classroom teacher, I found it to be a resource I consulted almost daily.
Reading aloud to your child builds the foundation of connecting language to the written word. You can begin with something as simple as one of the Good Dog, Carl books that have no words. A friend of mine once asked me, "What do I do with this book? It has no words?" Well, you can use books such as these to talk about the pictures, to make up your own story or to have your child look at the pictures and make up a story of his or her own. You will find that with repeated readings, your child will want the story to be the same time after time......predictable and familiar.
Check out The Read-Aloud Handbook from your local library. Take a look and decide for yourself. I think it's a book you will want to have for your very own.
The book I am recommending for the first of which will be many Sunday Book Clubs for Moms and Dads, is The Read-Aloud Handbook by Jim Trelease. This book, in its sixth printing, not only teaches the "why", "how", and "what", of reading aloud to a child, it also contains lists of appropriate children's books for each phase of your child's life. As a parent, I found this book invaluable; as a classroom teacher, I found it to be a resource I consulted almost daily.
Reading aloud to your child builds the foundation of connecting language to the written word. You can begin with something as simple as one of the Good Dog, Carl books that have no words. A friend of mine once asked me, "What do I do with this book? It has no words?" Well, you can use books such as these to talk about the pictures, to make up your own story or to have your child look at the pictures and make up a story of his or her own. You will find that with repeated readings, your child will want the story to be the same time after time......predictable and familiar.
Check out The Read-Aloud Handbook from your local library. Take a look and decide for yourself. I think it's a book you will want to have for your very own.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Saturday's Book Club For The Kids
It is never too early to begin reading Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? by Bill Martin and Eric Carle. It is a wonderfully repetitive book with delightful illustrations that will enchant your child for many, many readings. Because of the repetitive nature of this book, your child will begin reading along with you long before he or she actually learns to read words alone. If you only have one children's book in your collection, this should be it.Friday, February 18, 2011
It's The Little Things
In life, it is so often the little things that grow into the big things that become overwhelming. And many young, busy, busy mothers and teachers tell me that there is not time to devote to routines and procedures. Well, here is what I have to say about that: if you don't make time now teaching routines and procedures, you will HAVE to make time later because your structure will fall apart. I will say this time and time again.....the more procedures you have in place, the simpler your life will be and the more secure your child will feel because life (at least some of it) will be predictable.
And so, Little Thing #1 is to establish a place for your child to sit while eating a meal. You can begin this while your child is very small; in fact, by the time your child is around 3 and out of a high chair, they should have a specific place to sit while eating. In some families, everyone has a certain "place" at the table. I'm not suggesting anything quite that formal but I do believe strongly in structure for all human beings. It takes the guesswork out of life.
For example, when my granddaughter was 3, I began seating her at the end of the dining room table for her meals each time she visited. I gave her a special chair and a special spoon. And so now that she is almost 6, she continues to sit at the end of the table with her special chair and special spoon. "This is where I sit, right Grammi?". "Yes, Cassidy, that is where you sit. "
I can see moms out there shaking their heads saying, "What, are you nuts? I'm lucky if I get dinner on the table much less a "special" spoon!!
No, I'm not nuts. I, too, was a working mom and a single mom and I know what works with kids.. If you "front load" the training (and it is all training) your life will be easier, mealtimes will be less stressful, and your child will feel more secure because there are fewer unknowns. So I encourage you to begin with Little Thing #1. And let me know how it goes.
Because remember: Children are children and, regardless of their size, they basically all need the same things.
And so, Little Thing #1 is to establish a place for your child to sit while eating a meal. You can begin this while your child is very small; in fact, by the time your child is around 3 and out of a high chair, they should have a specific place to sit while eating. In some families, everyone has a certain "place" at the table. I'm not suggesting anything quite that formal but I do believe strongly in structure for all human beings. It takes the guesswork out of life.
For example, when my granddaughter was 3, I began seating her at the end of the dining room table for her meals each time she visited. I gave her a special chair and a special spoon. And so now that she is almost 6, she continues to sit at the end of the table with her special chair and special spoon. "This is where I sit, right Grammi?". "Yes, Cassidy, that is where you sit. "
I can see moms out there shaking their heads saying, "What, are you nuts? I'm lucky if I get dinner on the table much less a "special" spoon!!
No, I'm not nuts. I, too, was a working mom and a single mom and I know what works with kids.. If you "front load" the training (and it is all training) your life will be easier, mealtimes will be less stressful, and your child will feel more secure because there are fewer unknowns. So I encourage you to begin with Little Thing #1. And let me know how it goes.
Because remember: Children are children and, regardless of their size, they basically all need the same things.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Who Am I, Anyway?
I am a mother, grandmother, former teacher and former principal with over forty years of experience in the fields of parenting and educating children. I am starting this blog because I believe I have a lot to say that may be helpful to parents and teachers but especially to parents, a child's first teacher. I have learned that many ideas having to do with the education of children are very simple ideas that are executed with great expertise. The secret to a well-executed simple idea is to first establish a routine and procedure that accompanies that simple idea. The most effective methods in teaching children, whether in the home or in the school, are those methods that involve routines, procedures, consistency and predictability.
Do not believe that children will get bored with a predictable routine. They will not. The reason they will not get bored is because predictable routines make children feel secure in their environment. They know what to expect day after day and are reassured by that structure. It is very unsettling to children (and also to adults) when the "rules of the game" change arbitrarily and cannot be predicted. For this reason, it is critical to have set routines and procedures for everything. Children thrive in an environment of predictability. They trust that things will be the same, no matter what. It is our job as the responsible adult to be sure we create the environment our children need.
Some children are more affected by change than others. However, all children need advanced warning when an established routine is changing. I know that circumstances change and some days are crazier than others. Take the time, though, to let your child know if a procedure is changing, even if just for one day. Don't assume they won't care--they will.
I hope that this blog will be a resource for parents, teachers, friends of teachers--anyone who works with children, has children, or knows children. Sometimes, it's the simple advice that can change the course of your day.
Do not believe that children will get bored with a predictable routine. They will not. The reason they will not get bored is because predictable routines make children feel secure in their environment. They know what to expect day after day and are reassured by that structure. It is very unsettling to children (and also to adults) when the "rules of the game" change arbitrarily and cannot be predicted. For this reason, it is critical to have set routines and procedures for everything. Children thrive in an environment of predictability. They trust that things will be the same, no matter what. It is our job as the responsible adult to be sure we create the environment our children need.
Some children are more affected by change than others. However, all children need advanced warning when an established routine is changing. I know that circumstances change and some days are crazier than others. Take the time, though, to let your child know if a procedure is changing, even if just for one day. Don't assume they won't care--they will.
I hope that this blog will be a resource for parents, teachers, friends of teachers--anyone who works with children, has children, or knows children. Sometimes, it's the simple advice that can change the course of your day.
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