Set Those Boundaries!

Little Thing #2 is "Set Those Boundaries". When my grandson was two years old and became angry with me, he raised his little fist and said, "I hit Grammi!". My automatic reaction was to take hold of his arm, look him straight into the eye, and say, "You will NEVER hit your Grammi. Do you understand?". That was my boundary and he, at two years old, understood perfectly because the next thing he said was, "I sorry Grammi, I sorry".

I consider boundary-setting or setting limits the most loving thing you can do for a child whether you are a parent, a teacher, or both. Children need to know what the rules are and what the consequences are for breaking those rules. Setting limits does not make you a mean parent or a mean teacher. It makes you an individual who cares enough about a child to protect that child with rules. Much of the out of control behavior of children is because those children do not know where or when to stop. No one has said, "Enough!", and meant it.

Now, setting boundaries is not easy. At first, it will seem that you are saying "no" all the time and with very young children, you are. But as the child grows to know your limits, and as you continue to maintain your own boundaries, your child will begin to understand that you mean what you say and that you will not change your mind. You, on the other hand, will find it easier to set limits once it becomes a part of your own routine. The more you do it, the easier it will get.

Some children will accept your boundaries and not challenge you very much. With other children who have stronger personalities, it will take greater resolve and energy on your part to hold the line and not just cave in. Sometimes, it will be exhausting. That is normal. The more you maintain your boundaries and set your limits, the more your child will understand that neither you or your rules will change. The pay-off for you and for your child is this: as your child gets older and life's situations become more risky, you will have established what you will and will not accept. Does this mean your child will not test you again and again? No.... that is what children do.

But children should not be allowed to negotiate the rules. You are the adult, you should set the limits. Rules are for the safety and well-being of your child. Your child needs for you to assume this role. It is your responsibility as a parent.

And remember: children are children and, regardless of their size, they all basically need the same things.

It's The Little Things

In life, it is so often the little things that grow into the big things that become overwhelming. And many young, busy, busy mothers and teachers tell me that there is not time to devote to routines and procedures. Well, here is what I have to say about that: if you don't make time now teaching routines and procedures, you will HAVE to make time later because your structure will fall apart. I will say this time and time again.....the more procedures you have in place, the simpler your life will be and the more secure your child will feel because life (at least some of it) will be predictable.

And so, Little Thing #1 is to establish a place for your child to sit while eating a meal. You can begin this while your child is very small; in fact, by the time your child is around 3 and out of a high chair, they should have a specific place to sit while eating. In some families, everyone has a certain "place" at the table. I'm not suggesting anything quite that formal but I do believe strongly in structure for all human beings. It takes the guesswork out of life.

For example, when my granddaughter was 3, I began seating her at the end of the dining room table for her meals each time she visited. I gave her a special chair and a special spoon. And so now that she is almost 6, she continues to sit at the end of the table with her special chair and special spoon. "This is where I sit, right Grammi?". "Yes, Cassidy, that is where you sit. "

I can see moms out there shaking their heads saying, "What, are you nuts? I'm lucky if I get dinner on the table much less a "special" spoon!!

No, I'm not nuts. I, too, was a working mom and a single mom and I know what works with kids.. If you "front load" the training (and it is all training) your life will be easier, mealtimes will be less stressful, and your child will feel more secure because there are fewer unknowns. So I encourage you to begin with Little Thing #1. And let me know how it goes.

Because remember: Children are children and, regardless of their size, they basically all need the same things.