A Room of One's Own

When author Virgina Woolf wrote, "A Room of One's Own", I doubt she was speaking of children. However, I think that title is appropriate for my topic today. Children need a space of their own.....whether a room or simply an area of the house that they know is theirs, that no one else will violate. Setting boundaries such as this helps children develop boundaries of their own. If there is a space for them, they slowly begin to learn to respect the space of others.

In a classroom, boundaries are established by assigning a desk or table and chair to each child. Sometimes, a teacher will define personal space for each child by tape on the floor or by having each child sit on a colored mat. This is important because children feel very chaotic if they do not know where their space is. And adults feel this way also. I know when I enter a room, I want to know "where I'm supposed to go". I want someone to tell me where my space is. Children are the same. They need predictability and they need to know "where they fit".

Some children have more difficulty with personal space than others. But it is a two way street. If the child's space is not his or her own, the child will not respect the space of anyone else. If a child does not have defined space of his or her own, then everyone's space becomes their space. Children learn appropriate boundaries by the way adults model their own setting of boundaries.

Establishing boundaries early in childhood will help as your child becomes older. It may not seem significant that your little three year old goes into your purse without permission to find a pencil; it will be much more significant when that same child is a teenager and goes into your purse without permission to look for money.

Begin in small ways. Set up a system of toy storage so that your child knows where to find and store his or her playthings. Define a place at the dining table where your child sits to eat. Do not allow your child to go into your purse without permission. Remember that predictability is the key. Boundary-setting is about respecting space--physical space, personal space, emotional space. And remember that as the parent, you are the key. You are the role model.

And finally, Happy Mother's Day to all of you wonderful, hard-working mothers out there.