When I was an aspiring school administrator, I was often given the job of screening students for the gifted program. The screening instrument we used was the Slosson Intelligence Test. On that test, was the following question: "Where does bacon come from?". Invariably, approximately 70% of students answered that bacon came from the grocery store. That was more than thirty years ago. As we have moved farther and farther away from the origins of our food, children will not know where our food comes from unless they are taught. They didn't know it then; more of them will not know it now.
No, it is not necessary to convene a class on the origins of food. However, when you take your child to the grocery store, you can have those casual conversations that are considered "teachable moments". You will need to talk about eggs and that eggs come from chickens. You will need to talk about milk and that milk comes from cows and goats (and soy and almonds but that's for later).
You need to talk about the fact that orange juice comes from oranges, not from cartons. Buy some oranges and let your child help you squeeze them. If you don't have an orange squeezer, go to a thrift or antique store and buy an old one. You'll have a great time. You need to talk about which fruits grow on trees and which grow on bushes. If you aren't sure, do your research. You are your child's first teacher. Don't forget that.
Don't be squeamish about the meat part. You can mention that we get hamburger from cows and bacon from pigs. You can get more sophisticated as your child grows older. I will write more about this topic in the near future because it is critically important. Have you noticed how many topics are critically important for you as a parent? We have only just begun the journey.
Monday, February 28, 2011
No Means No!
"No" does not mean "Yes" and "No" does not mean "Maybe". "No" means "No".
Whether you are interacting with a very young child, a pre-teen, or a teenager, "No" should unequivocally mean "No". Just as your children and students should be able to depend upon you to keep your word, they should be able to depend on the fact that when you say "No", you are not going to change your mind. When you vacillate and bow to the pressures that children masterfully apply, you become like a flag that changes direction every time the wind blows. Haven't you known individuals that would eventually change their minds if you asked enough times? Don't be that person. And don't say it if you can't deliver.
One of the great stalling techniques for parents and teachers is, "I'll think about it." I used to hate it when my mother would say that because I knew right away that I was not going to be able to manipulate her. My mother was the perfect example of "No means no". Once she made a decision, that was it. She would not bow to pressure and she would not argue with me. Period, the end.
I have found that applying my mother's principle, while difficult to do at first, became easier the more I did it. I learned to say very early on with both my children and my students, "No, and don't ask me again", AND "I don't argue with children." The equally important part of this equation is that once you say it, you must stick to it.
I have found "Let me think about it" to be an excellent discipline technique for older children....especially when they are asking permission to do something you are not sure about. Sometimes you need time to think and weigh the risks before you give permission; sometimes, you just need time to think about the ramifications of your decision. But remember, don't promise something you cannot follow-through on. "What would that be, you ask?" Well, for example, it would not be a good idea to threaten to "ground" your teenager for the rest of his or her life. You can't make that happen and you will just look foolish in the long run. Plus it will be meaningless for your child. Instead, you might say, "I need some time to think because I can't make a fair decision when I am this angry." Then take your time and come up with something reasonable that you are able to enforce.
With very young children, they soon learn that if they pester you enough, you may change your mind just to quiet them down. That is why you must begin early to stick to what you say. Small children become larger children and the requests they make become more costly and complicated. Therefore, when you are the grocery store and you say no and your child pitches a fit, you should leave your cart right there and take your child to the car. This accomplishes several things. First, it removes the audience for which the child is performing (this is also very important in a classroom); secondly, it lets your child know that you mean what you say; and thirdly, it lets your child know that you are the person in charge, not them. Yes, this is difficult. But you probably won't have to do it more than once. And whether is makes sense or not, your ability to stand firm with your word will make your child, regardless of their age, feel more secure in an environment that is predictable.
Whether you are interacting with a very young child, a pre-teen, or a teenager, "No" should unequivocally mean "No". Just as your children and students should be able to depend upon you to keep your word, they should be able to depend on the fact that when you say "No", you are not going to change your mind. When you vacillate and bow to the pressures that children masterfully apply, you become like a flag that changes direction every time the wind blows. Haven't you known individuals that would eventually change their minds if you asked enough times? Don't be that person. And don't say it if you can't deliver.
One of the great stalling techniques for parents and teachers is, "I'll think about it." I used to hate it when my mother would say that because I knew right away that I was not going to be able to manipulate her. My mother was the perfect example of "No means no". Once she made a decision, that was it. She would not bow to pressure and she would not argue with me. Period, the end.
I have found that applying my mother's principle, while difficult to do at first, became easier the more I did it. I learned to say very early on with both my children and my students, "No, and don't ask me again", AND "I don't argue with children." The equally important part of this equation is that once you say it, you must stick to it.
I have found "Let me think about it" to be an excellent discipline technique for older children....especially when they are asking permission to do something you are not sure about. Sometimes you need time to think and weigh the risks before you give permission; sometimes, you just need time to think about the ramifications of your decision. But remember, don't promise something you cannot follow-through on. "What would that be, you ask?" Well, for example, it would not be a good idea to threaten to "ground" your teenager for the rest of his or her life. You can't make that happen and you will just look foolish in the long run. Plus it will be meaningless for your child. Instead, you might say, "I need some time to think because I can't make a fair decision when I am this angry." Then take your time and come up with something reasonable that you are able to enforce.
With very young children, they soon learn that if they pester you enough, you may change your mind just to quiet them down. That is why you must begin early to stick to what you say. Small children become larger children and the requests they make become more costly and complicated. Therefore, when you are the grocery store and you say no and your child pitches a fit, you should leave your cart right there and take your child to the car. This accomplishes several things. First, it removes the audience for which the child is performing (this is also very important in a classroom); secondly, it lets your child know that you mean what you say; and thirdly, it lets your child know that you are the person in charge, not them. Yes, this is difficult. But you probably won't have to do it more than once. And whether is makes sense or not, your ability to stand firm with your word will make your child, regardless of their age, feel more secure in an environment that is predictable.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Sunday Book Club for Parents: Reviving Ophelia
Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls is not a new book. In fact, it could be considered vintage by some standards because it is almost twenty years old. However, the message is current, important, and timely.Written by Dr. Mary Pipher, this book is an eye-opening look at the everyday dangers of being young and female, and how adults can help. This is the groundbreaking work that poses one of the most provocative questions of a generation: Why are American adolescent girls falling prey to depression, eating disorders, suicide attempts, and dangerously low self-esteem?
In Reviving Ophelia, these girls' uncensored voices are heard from the front lines of adolescence.It is a vibrant and insightful account, one we must respond to if we care about our daughters, our granddaughters, our nieces, and our students.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Saturday's Book Club For The Kids
Llama, Llama Red Pajama by Anna Dewdney will become your child's favorite story in a very short while. It is a story about a little llama who wants his mama at bedtime. Sound familiar? Not only does this wonderful story have the repetitive language that is so important for a young child, it also contains new words such as llama, groan, and fret, that will expand your child's vocabulary.I recommend this book for parents and teachers of young children up to the age of six. It is fun, has great rhymes, is wonderfully predictable, and is the perfect length for bedtime at home or story time in the classroom.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
An Unusual Recipe
This blog post is being written by guest blogger, Janet W. Bartlett, elementary teacher for thirty years.
As a retired teacher, I have accumulated lots of recipes for homemade Play Doh, papier mache, glue, paint, etc. They are all good, tried and true, but this recipe is a little different. It is in fact, the best recipe I have ever tried and I have used it for years. It is not too complex but it will reward you and your child with hours of creative fun, exploration, learning, soothing, concentration, and imagination.
For many years, I had a sand table in my primary classroom. Don't stop reading! Over the years, I was surprised many times by the change in students when they had their turn at the sand table. The most amazing was the soothing effect it had on those with learning and behavior difficulties. It was a priceless tool. It can be so for you.
Having such a sand table does require some structure, but structure is a good thing. You will need to set some rules for sand play such as no throwing or dumping out of the box, the sand needs to be manipulated deliberately and carefully to avoid a mess. If the rules are "forgotten", then the sand table is off limits for a time. Accidents will happen but stick to your rules.
You will need sand, of course, lots of spoons, tin cups, different size plastic containers, an old strainer (Kids LOVE to pour sand through a strainer!), old pie tins, and at least one funnel. It's also fun to make "combs" by sawing teeth into some thin wood. These make interesting rakes for making patterns in the sand.
There are several ways to get a sand table. You could get lucky and find one at Sam's Club as I did for my house. Or a container like a horse trough set up on a bench would work also. Or you can make your own as I did for my classroom. All you need is an old table. Cut some 1 x 6 boards to make the sides of your "box" and secure them to the table top with L brackets and screws. Line the box with plastic such as Visqueen from Home Depot or with a plastic tablecloth. Drape it up and over the sides. To hold it in place, nail some strips of thin wood like screen molding through the plastic and into the top edges of the box. Trim off the excess plastic and put in the sand. Half full is plenty. A bag of play sand from the big box store should do it.
There are lots of sand boxes out there. But a sand table is a different thing. It is much more comfortable for your child. It gives the child a sense of control and a feeling that they are "working". It is much neater and meets the needs of children who do not like to get dirty. A screen porch would be a great place for this if there is no cat access. It could be indoors but you need a good vacuum cleaner.
Now let's get to the real reasons for having a sand table aside from fun. Eye-hand coordination; kinesthetic reinforcement, especially for a child with disabilities; handwriting practice; especially good for children whose strongest mode of learning is tactile. And lastly, it is soothing, amazingly so for the stressed-out, acting-out kid who is hyperactive and has difficulty focusing. Pouring from one container to another, measuring, sifting, drawing, and just running hands through this material are all learning activities. You will be amazed at how long your child will remain engaged with the sand table. For additional fun, dampen the sand. This is great for making "mud" pies and cakes for pretend tea time. The possibilities are endless.
For anyone with a child, I believe there are two essential playthings. One is sand; the other is blocks. But that's another blog post.
As a retired teacher, I have accumulated lots of recipes for homemade Play Doh, papier mache, glue, paint, etc. They are all good, tried and true, but this recipe is a little different. It is in fact, the best recipe I have ever tried and I have used it for years. It is not too complex but it will reward you and your child with hours of creative fun, exploration, learning, soothing, concentration, and imagination.
For many years, I had a sand table in my primary classroom. Don't stop reading! Over the years, I was surprised many times by the change in students when they had their turn at the sand table. The most amazing was the soothing effect it had on those with learning and behavior difficulties. It was a priceless tool. It can be so for you.
Having such a sand table does require some structure, but structure is a good thing. You will need to set some rules for sand play such as no throwing or dumping out of the box, the sand needs to be manipulated deliberately and carefully to avoid a mess. If the rules are "forgotten", then the sand table is off limits for a time. Accidents will happen but stick to your rules.
You will need sand, of course, lots of spoons, tin cups, different size plastic containers, an old strainer (Kids LOVE to pour sand through a strainer!), old pie tins, and at least one funnel. It's also fun to make "combs" by sawing teeth into some thin wood. These make interesting rakes for making patterns in the sand.
There are several ways to get a sand table. You could get lucky and find one at Sam's Club as I did for my house. Or a container like a horse trough set up on a bench would work also. Or you can make your own as I did for my classroom. All you need is an old table. Cut some 1 x 6 boards to make the sides of your "box" and secure them to the table top with L brackets and screws. Line the box with plastic such as Visqueen from Home Depot or with a plastic tablecloth. Drape it up and over the sides. To hold it in place, nail some strips of thin wood like screen molding through the plastic and into the top edges of the box. Trim off the excess plastic and put in the sand. Half full is plenty. A bag of play sand from the big box store should do it.
There are lots of sand boxes out there. But a sand table is a different thing. It is much more comfortable for your child. It gives the child a sense of control and a feeling that they are "working". It is much neater and meets the needs of children who do not like to get dirty. A screen porch would be a great place for this if there is no cat access. It could be indoors but you need a good vacuum cleaner.
Now let's get to the real reasons for having a sand table aside from fun. Eye-hand coordination; kinesthetic reinforcement, especially for a child with disabilities; handwriting practice; especially good for children whose strongest mode of learning is tactile. And lastly, it is soothing, amazingly so for the stressed-out, acting-out kid who is hyperactive and has difficulty focusing. Pouring from one container to another, measuring, sifting, drawing, and just running hands through this material are all learning activities. You will be amazed at how long your child will remain engaged with the sand table. For additional fun, dampen the sand. This is great for making "mud" pies and cakes for pretend tea time. The possibilities are endless.
For anyone with a child, I believe there are two essential playthings. One is sand; the other is blocks. But that's another blog post.
Hail To The Chore Chart
Because I have always been a strong believer that all who live in the house have a responsibility for the upkeep of the house, Saturday was Chore Day at our house, for me as well as for my three daughters. The rule was that chores had to be done before anybody played. The tricky part for me was in how to get my daughters to do their chores without a lot of grumbling. Realizing from my classroom experience that children love choices, I implemented the Saturday Morning Chore Chart. I don't know where this brilliant idea came from but it was my salvation for those Saturday chores. Since this method is driven by a little competition between siblings, it is best utilized if you have more than one child.
This is the plan:
1. On Friday night, you (the parent) decide what chores need to be done. Make a list of chores and post the list on the refrigerator.
2. Decide how many chores each child should do. Write this number at the very top of the page. All children should have an equal number of chores but you can balance them out if some chores take a lot longer than others. For example, doing laundry can count as two or three chores, depending upon the quantity to be done. And yes, the children can do the laundry. At our house, you did laundry once you had your eleventh birthday.
3. When each child wakes up on Saturday morning, he or she signs up for the chores for the day. That means that if you are an early riser, you get the best chores, you get them done, and you get to play for the remainder of the day. If you like to sleep in, you must do the chores that no one else wants to do. If you procrastinate, your playtime is postponed and you must still do the chores that no one else wants to do.
I found that this method eliminated one of the biggest hassles of chore assignment.... "How come she gets to do THAT chore and I don't?" Now, don't get me wrong. There was some complaining at first, especially when my youngest daughter was up before everyone else, had her chores done (the "best" chores), and was out the door ready to play. On a few occasions, I had to remind everyone that they all had a choice in their time of arising and they all had a choice of chores. If they wanted the best chores, they had to get up early.
This did not change sleeping patterns but that was not the intent.
My daughter, Sleeping Beauty #1, chose to sleep until around eleven and took her chances on the chores.
My daughter, Sleeping Beauty #2, chose to sleep until three in the afternoon regardless of the chores left on the chart when she got up. And so, she always had the chores that nobody else wanted to do. But sleep was the most important thing to her, not chore choice.
If this is going to work for you, you should begin this system when your children are young so that it becomes a part of the family routine. And emphasize that there is choice in this system. Say It and Mean It. It will work for you and for your family.
This is the plan:
1. On Friday night, you (the parent) decide what chores need to be done. Make a list of chores and post the list on the refrigerator.
2. Decide how many chores each child should do. Write this number at the very top of the page. All children should have an equal number of chores but you can balance them out if some chores take a lot longer than others. For example, doing laundry can count as two or three chores, depending upon the quantity to be done. And yes, the children can do the laundry. At our house, you did laundry once you had your eleventh birthday.
3. When each child wakes up on Saturday morning, he or she signs up for the chores for the day. That means that if you are an early riser, you get the best chores, you get them done, and you get to play for the remainder of the day. If you like to sleep in, you must do the chores that no one else wants to do. If you procrastinate, your playtime is postponed and you must still do the chores that no one else wants to do.
I found that this method eliminated one of the biggest hassles of chore assignment.... "How come she gets to do THAT chore and I don't?" Now, don't get me wrong. There was some complaining at first, especially when my youngest daughter was up before everyone else, had her chores done (the "best" chores), and was out the door ready to play. On a few occasions, I had to remind everyone that they all had a choice in their time of arising and they all had a choice of chores. If they wanted the best chores, they had to get up early.
This did not change sleeping patterns but that was not the intent.
My daughter, Sleeping Beauty #1, chose to sleep until around eleven and took her chances on the chores.
My daughter, Sleeping Beauty #2, chose to sleep until three in the afternoon regardless of the chores left on the chart when she got up. And so, she always had the chores that nobody else wanted to do. But sleep was the most important thing to her, not chore choice.
If this is going to work for you, you should begin this system when your children are young so that it becomes a part of the family routine. And emphasize that there is choice in this system. Say It and Mean It. It will work for you and for your family.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
The Dress Up Box
A young child's imagination knows no bounds and one of the best ways to encourage make-believe play is through a Dress Up Box. In the classroom, I have used a box covered in brightly covered paper; for my oldest granddaughter, I used an old leather suitcase that I would cart around in my motor home each time I visited her. It's important to note that you should stock your Dress Up Box with adult-sized clothing items. When you are a pre-schooler, it's not that much fun to wear something that fits
Keep a large variety of dress-up items in your box because you never know what will strike a child's fancy. I found some of my best items at local thrift stores but my granddaughter's favorite item was a pair of silver high-heeled sandals that belonged to my mother. For little girls, you should have at last two dresses (yes, they will drag on the floor, that's perfect), a couple of pair of sparkly shoes (high heels, if possible), a crown of some kind, a hat, some old jewelry (long necklaces preferred), an adult purse, and a long piece of silky fabric. I don't know what it is about silky fabric but most children will either use it as a wrap or spread it on the floor to "set the stage" for dress up.
Little boys can get just as excited about dressing up as little girls. For their dress-up box, I would definitely have a pair of men's dress shoes, a hat, one or two ties, an old wallet, and some type of jacket. And don't forget the silky fabric. Little boys like to spread fabric on the floor also.
Pretending and playing "make believe" are not just cute things that children do. Pretending and playing "make believe" are benchmarks for one of the developmental stages that children must go through for proper social and emotional growth. Some children reach the "make believe" stage sooner than others but all of them must go through it. The dress-up box can be an important prop in getting your child excited about this type of play.
Keep a large variety of dress-up items in your box because you never know what will strike a child's fancy. I found some of my best items at local thrift stores but my granddaughter's favorite item was a pair of silver high-heeled sandals that belonged to my mother. For little girls, you should have at last two dresses (yes, they will drag on the floor, that's perfect), a couple of pair of sparkly shoes (high heels, if possible), a crown of some kind, a hat, some old jewelry (long necklaces preferred), an adult purse, and a long piece of silky fabric. I don't know what it is about silky fabric but most children will either use it as a wrap or spread it on the floor to "set the stage" for dress up.
Little boys can get just as excited about dressing up as little girls. For their dress-up box, I would definitely have a pair of men's dress shoes, a hat, one or two ties, an old wallet, and some type of jacket. And don't forget the silky fabric. Little boys like to spread fabric on the floor also.
Pretending and playing "make believe" are not just cute things that children do. Pretending and playing "make believe" are benchmarks for one of the developmental stages that children must go through for proper social and emotional growth. Some children reach the "make believe" stage sooner than others but all of them must go through it. The dress-up box can be an important prop in getting your child excited about this type of play.
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